Guardian
by enchantedink13
Summary: A glimpse into the ways Ellen looked after Neal when nobody else was around.
1. Married

**Married**

"You're married," Kathryn said, pushing her tousled hair back from her face and pulling the sheet up with her as she sat up straighter in bed.

"I know." James looked a little uncomfortable, unusual for someone who, when clothed, filled his uniform with such authority and self-possession.

"You love Leann." It wasn't a question, it was just a truth, and as Kathryn said it, she couldn't help but marvel at how it didn't bother her, because as surely as James loved his wife, she knew that he loved her, too, although it was different. Leann was delicate and fragile and she was somebody James could protect and cherish and care for. She and James lived in different realities, which was good, because a man who fought criminals on a daily basis needed someone at home who was so far removed from the world of his work.

Kathryn was impossible to protect, and it drove James crazy. She rushed headlong into danger without waiting for him or for anybody else, and the fact that she looked like an actress instead of a cop was something she didn't hesitate to use to her advantage when she needed access that a warrant or a police badge couldn't get her. She and James couldn't offer each other the kind of escape that he got from Leann, but they knew each other with a wordless closeness and clarity that made their partnership effortless. The hours they spent overtime, pouring over files at James's house or her apartment, had taught them to know the other's thoughts almost before they knew their own.

It had been effortless, too, that night, when Kathryn had swept a stack of files off the table in frustration, flinging them to the floor after six fruitless hours without a lead, and James had caught her gently by the wrist and pulled her to his chest and stopped her words of apology with a clumsy, warm kiss that ignited a glowing fire deep in her stomach. When they'd shed their clothes and stumbled in the cheap yellow lighting to Kathryn's bedroom, it had been comfortable despite their hurried eagerness. Now, holding the sheet modestly across her body and gazing calmly at James, there was still the same steady understanding there between them.

"Things are just hard, you know?" James sighed, running his hand over Kathryn's sheets, as though to distract himself.

"Yeah." She knew. She knew how Leann wanted a child but how money was already tight for them, and would be no better with the addition of a new family member. She knew that it was slightly emasculating for James to deal with being unable to provide for his family, to make Leann feel complete. She also knew that he didn't really want a child, didn't think that he would know what to do with a baby when his life revolved around hardened criminals. She knew he worried that _that_ was the reason he hadn't somehow found a way to scrape by, the way he always did, to give Leann what she needed. "You're doing the best you can."

"Sometimes I think I'd like to run away."

"You know you can always run here." Kathryn reached over and squeezed his shoulder sympathetically, not needing to say anything cautionary to make it clear that she meant the gesture to be nothing but platonic. After all, they were no strangers to the nights when James arrived unannounced with a change of clothes in his hands and weariness in the lines of his face.

"Thanks," he answered gruffly, running a troubled hand through his hair. "I want you to know-" James broke off and hesitated.

"Spit it out, Bennett."

"I wasn't just using you to get away, tonight."

Kathryn grinned. "If that's what you were doing, you'd have passed out on my couch instead."

"I'm not kidding, I-"

"_James_," she rolled her eyes at him, patting him on the chest and rising to pick up her scattered clothes. "I get it. You weren't using me. I know."

"I love you," he said slowly, testing out the words on his tongue. Like the rest of their relationship, it sounded easy and comfortable and like something they both already knew about each other, which, she supposed, was true.

Kathryn looked up and smiled. Yes, he was married, but he was warm and funny, and they felt like home to each other without even trying. "I love you too." She bent and picked up his shirt, a white button-down, carrying it to him. "Get dressed. You're getting late."

When they walked into the living room, files were still strew across the floor, and James hesitated.

"Don't worry about, I'll clean it up and we can get some fresh eyes in the morning," Kathryn assured him. He hovered in the doorway, unmoving. "_Go_," she urged. "It's fine."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said, pulling her into a hug. The embrace was laced with his reluctance to leave, and Kathryn thought fleetingly that Leann ought to give him a home that he was happy to return to. She caught herself before the idea could fully form, and stepped back from James. Leann, like James, did her best. She was married to a man whose work required him to carry a gun. Surely it was as difficult to be married to cop as it was to be one.

"Go home," Kathryn insisted, half pushing James out the door and shutting it softly behind him.

Yes, he was married, but he was also lonely, and what they'd done wasn't really cheating. Leann knew what Kathryn meant to James. She seem them bent over files for hours in her own home, watched their eyes meet across mugs of coffee when they simultaneously discovered the lead they'd been searching for. The depth of their partnership was obvious to everyone, and this- this was just an extension of it.

* * *

**A/N:** I don't know how long this will be, or exactly what direction it will take. I might make all the chapters come in chronological order, or it may just be a collection of various moments in which Ellen looked out for Neal. What I do know is that the first few chapters will be very Ellen-centric to establish the backstory upon which her love for Neal is founded. After that, though, I'm still deciding the direction of this story. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Please review!


	2. Pregnant

**Pregnant**

Kathryn stared down at the pink plus and shook the test stick gently, as if the gesture could erase it. She sighed and blinked slowly, noticing the still-ringing beep of the timer placed on the counter next to her. _Pregnant_. There had been no complications with James after their one-night tryst. They had returned to work as normal, had shared the same friendship and the same comfortable companionship. It was simple, clear.

But a child was a complication.

She reached out and shut off the timer's alarm and shook the stick again. The stubborn, persistent plus didn't move.

_You're a cop_, she reminded herself. She wasn't supposed to freeze in situations like this. She was supposed appraise what was happening and make the best decision given the circumstances.

Yes, she should have thought of this before sleeping with her best friend. And, yes, she probably shouldn't have taken the pregnancy test fifteen minutes before heading to his house to work on the Phleching case while his wife offered them tea and coffee and brought over a dainty bowl of sugar cubes with overlooked dust still clinging to the smooth, cool curves of the glass. But she had, and so there was nothing left to do but throw the stick in the trash and fasten her trousers and call quickly to schedule an appointment with a gynecologist before driving shakily to James's home.

* * *

"We have to talk," Kathryn the moment she took her seat at the dining room table, almost before Leann had time to return to the kitchen, where tea was already boiling on the stove.

"Did you find a a new lead- what's wrong?" James's tone changed mid-sentence as he lifted his gaze up from the table to hers.

"Can we-" Kathryn hesitated and swallowed nervously. "Can we have some privacy?"

"Sure," James answered cautiously, rising from the table without moving his eyes from her face. "Leann," he called to the kitchen, "we'll just be in my office." Turning his attention back to Kathryn, he nodded for her to step in front of him, and with his hand on the small of her back he guided her down the tiny, cramped hallway to the other half of the house, where the bedrooms were. She knew that his touch on her back ought to feel wrong, especially in light of what she'd just discovered, but his hand was warm and oddly comforting.

"In here," James instructed, gesturing to the door on the right and opening it for her. She'd never been into this part of the house - the room smelled freshly of paint, and there was still tape lining the edges of the floor to keep the cheerful sunshine-colored paint on the walls from ruining the hardwood floor. "Sorry," James apologized absently, watching Kathryn's eyes travel to the can of paint in a corner. "Leann wanted to start getting my office ready to be a nursery." He wrinkled nose at the smell.

_No._ "Are you-" Kathryn stammered. "I mean, is she-" she stopped, seemingly unable to say the words.

"Pregnant?" James supplied. "No, she's just eternally hopeful." He sighed and ran a tired hand through his hair. "What did you want to tell me?"

_This isn't the right time, this isn't proper, his wife's just down the hall, he's not ready, you're not ready... _Kathryn shook her head sharply to cut off the protest swirling in her mind. She couldn't leave this conversation with it unsaid, or she'd never be able to tell him. _Spit it out._ "I'm having a baby."

She watched the surprise register on James's face and was just allowing herself to be relived that the worst part was over, when he pulled his expression into a smile and clapped her warmly on the shoulder. "Congratulations! A happy surprise, I hope?"

She shook her head, feeling her stomach turn and thinking hastily that it was too early on for morning sickness. "No- it's _your _baby."

She watched as James's face paled with comprehension. "You couldn't think of a better place to tell me?" he hissed, grabbing her by the upper arm and pulling her closer so that the words were a fury-hot whisper against her ear.

"Hey," she snapped, yanking her arm free as his anger made her shift from feeling guilty to self righteous. It was _her _baby. Even if it wasn't intentional, he had no right to act so... disgusted. "I know this isn't ideal, but that isn't any way to react." She backed up towards the door until her fingers bumped against the handle. "I think I should go. We'll look at the case files another day."

Kathryn's tone seemed to snap James back to the warm, albeit stressed, man that she knew as her friend. "I'm sorry," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's just a shock." He lifted his blue eyes to hers apologetically.

"It's not like either of us are stupid enough to think this wasn't a possibility," she said, the asperity in her tone only slightly softened by his change in demeanor.

"But I wasn't exactly expecting it."

"Then take some time to adjust," she said, keeping her voice tight and trying to edge out the irrational anger that was bubbling up in it.

She was opening the door to leave when James's voice stopped her. "We need to discuss this- decide what to do."

Kathryn turned around in the doorway and clasped her hands protectively over her still-flat belly, almost without noticing what she was doing. "You can do whatever you want. I'm keeping him, if that's what you mean."

"Him?"

She glared at James and turned away, whispering to nobody, "You feel like a boy."

* * *

**A/N: **I know this chapter was short, but hopefully you liked it. Review, please?


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